Monday, January 9, 2012

#MyFive Tortured Days of Our Lives Characters

Get ready for another Chandler Massey-inspired blog, as I found myself saying "Poor Will" about 50 times this week. He does emotional angst extremely well, but he's only the latest in a long line of Days characters who the writers have put through the ringer. It's really unlikely your life is all that bad compared to these folks, so crack open a bottle of gratitude and read along with me, eh?

5) Billie Reed - Poor Billie. She bursts on the scene with one of the worst back stories in Days history. Her father got her addicted to drugs and pimped her out? Pretty harsh. Then he gets shot and killed (yay?) and a hero by the name of Bo comes into her life. Except it turns out his dead wife's not so dead, and try as she might, she just can't fight the eventual return of the supercouple. So she flies out of town (to the most depressing Bette Midler song ever), and to add insult to injury, she comes back several times over the years, only to be turned into a pathetic plot device for said supercouple each time. Here's hoping her return this year is less victim-y.

4) Greta Von Amburg - Poor Greta. She takes a simple acting job and ends up as (another) acid vat victim. Then she lives in the swamp for years, horribly disfigured. But it's okay. Someone will find her and she'll find true love, right? With Bo? Notsomuch. Eric? Woulda been nice. Austin? Virtual reality only. Jack? He faked being gay to avoid dating her. But at least she'll have a nice life as a princess, right? With a lovely coronation party, where absolutely no one gets shot in an NC-17 rated bloodbath. ...Right? Maybe she was better off in the swamp after all. 

3) Will Horton Poor Will. His mother's Sami Brady. Let's just process that for a second. He could probably write a book on all the horrors his mother has subjected him to. But let's just stick with the last year to make the point. Watching your mother cheat on her husband and bonk the guy who raped her while your brother's missing. Harsh. Being blackmailed by the aforementioned guy, who happens to be a very loathsome Dimera and knows all your secrets. Yikes. And trying to figure out your sexuality in the midst of all this, in a town that apparently has never really had gay people (except for fakegayJack and MIA Harold of course)? Sigh. Poor Will.

2) Hope Brady
 - Poor Hope. She fights every breakup plot device the 80s can throw at her, only to marry the man of her dreams. And then die in a vat of acid. And then come back not knowing who she is. And then remember. And then forget. And then remember again, but maybe not for real. And maybe she was a princess. Or actually just kidnapped by one. But don't worry, she eventually gets her identity back. And that's only the beginning. Every few years, one of her children are kidnapped, switched at birth, or run over by their siblings. Just keep an eye on Ciara, everyone. And your fingers crossed.
1) Marlena Evans - Seriously. No other choice. She's been through the loss of several marriages, complete with miscarriages, brainwashed priest impostors, brainwashing abusive doctors, and more. Her children were stolen from her, returned to her, raped, and sent off to Colorado for reasons unknown. She was possessed by the devil. Possessed. By the devil. She was also kidnapped and trapped in pits, secret rooms, and birdcages for months at a time, many of which appearing to not have a bathroom. She was tricked into thinking she killed almost all of her friends and was a serial killer (after another, albeit brief, possession), and was forced to live on an island with them. And worst of all, Hattie Adams. Poor Marlena.

Feel better about your day? I do. I just hope there's some good news ahead for some of these folks. And fewer bathroom-less birdcages and fake-gay boyfriends. Have a great week ;)


  1. Billie is coming back? To be played by Lisa Rinna? I used to love her friendship with Jennifer and Kristen.

    Good choices all, although Greta worked my nerves.

  2. billie is indeed coming back, with Lisa Rinna at the helm :). I'm excited/nervous. Her last trip back was handled horribly. I did love that Jen/Kristen friendship :)